If you look up the word "pastoral" on dictionary.com, you'll find that most of the definitions have to do with rural scenes; in fact, some synonyms listed are: "simple, bucolic, idyllic..." hmmm, while parenting can be one of the most rewarding and joyful adventures in life, simple and bucolic are not adjectives I would ever use to describe it! In this sense of the word, pastoral parenting is something of an oxymoron.
No, of course, pastoral in this case refers to the role of the pastor, the shepherd. It is a way of looking at parenting as ministry. What do I mean by parenting as ministry? The word “minister” comes from the Latin. It means “servant.” As I write this, I am rolling my eyes—“don’t I know it!” I have spent several years shuttling kids back and forth to school, music lessons and sports practices, running to the craft store to get supplies, doing laundry, mending tears in pants and in egos. Being a parent-servant, however, does not mean being subservient. We are not talking here about being the cook, the chauffeur, or the maid. It does mean that we look to put our children’s needs first, understanding that when we refer to needs, we are not talking about their need to be somewhere on time and in the right clothes. We are talking about their psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs, which might mean that we say "no" much more often than we do now. In fact, by being the type of “servant” most of us are today, we may actually be doing our children more harm than good.
In the coming weeks, I will be elaborating on this topic, relying on my thesis, "Pastoral Parenting: A Change in Route" which was published in January 2008, under my copyright. I really want your feedback, as I hope to develop a book soon based on my work (it takes me awhile to get going on things--too busy parenting, I guess!). Blessings from Elaine
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