No, this Blog has Nothing to do with Raising Sheep

If you look up the word "pastoral" on dictionary.com, you'll find that most of the definitions have to do with rural scenes; in fact, some synonyms listed are: "simple, bucolic, idyllic..."   hmmm, while parenting can be one of the most rewarding and joyful adventures in life, simple and bucolic are not adjectives I would ever use to describe it! In this sense of the word, pastoral parenting is something of an oxymoron.

No, of course, pastoral in this case refers to the role of the pastor, the shepherd.  It is a way of looking at parenting as ministry.  What do I mean by parenting as ministry? The word “minister” comes from the Latin. It means “servant.” As I write this, I am rolling my eyes—“don’t I know it!” I have spent several years shuttling kids back and forth to school, music lessons and sports practices, running to the craft store to get supplies, doing laundry, mending tears in pants and in egos. Being a parent-servant, however, does not mean being subservient. We are not talking here about being the cook, the chauffeur, or the maid. It does mean that we look to put our children’s needs first, understanding that when we refer to needs, we are not talking about their need to be somewhere on time and in the right clothes. We are talking about their psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs, which might mean that we say "no" much more often than we do now. In fact, by being the type of “servant” most of us are today, we may actually be doing our children more harm than good.

In the coming weeks, I will be elaborating on this topic, relying on my thesis, "Pastoral Parenting:  A Change in Route" which was published in January 2008, under my copyright. I really want your feedback, as I hope to develop a book soon based on my work (it takes me awhile to get going on things--too busy parenting, I guess!).  Blessings from Elaine

The Epiphany of the Mismatched Sock Bag

Sometimes, the mysteries of our world just astound me...the beauty of nature, the headiness of being in love, the fact that a family of four, one of whom is away at college most of the year, can have more socks in the mismatched sock bag than matched socks in the drawer! I am learning that wearing  matched socks is "so twentieth century."  "Nobody wears matched socks anymore."

This has become a bit of an obsession of mine--where are all those darned (pun intended) socks?  I want to point out that of the sixty or so mismatched socks in the bag, only two belong to me.  I seem to be able to keep my socks in order, immune to the gremlins that apparently abscond with my husband's, son's, and daughter's on a regular basis. I've often thought about having a community sock swap to see if they have somehow wound up in neighbors' houses.

I began to understand that this whole sock thing, like so many things in life, has to do with expectations. Parenting is filled with expectations. Some expectations are essential to enable our kids to grow up to be law- abiding citizens who share and have good hygiene and clean rooms.  But many of our expectations really boil down to our preferences and can be a great source of tension in a household if we don't see them for what they are. 

Now I'm not saying that we, as parents, should throw up our hands and give up. But I do think, particularly as our children move into their teen years, that we need to really consider what is essential and what we can let go. It's also good to let them know that we are letting go. In the negotiation that is raising a teen, it is important to have chits we can cash in ("remember, I stopped nagging you about the socks...")

Now, of course, there is an easy solution to this sock predicament--just buy all the same socks and forget about it.  But, let me share with you my epiphany: I was in the storage room a while back and moved some things and Voila!--there sat several of my daughter's socks smooshed under the boxes. I was so pleased that at least some of the mystery had come to light, and took great pleasure in reuniting these socks with their mates and returning them to the sock drawers from whence they came! 

Now really, my life isn't that boring, but it's good to remember that changing your expectations and looking at things differently can be the difference between being frustrated and having fun.  Think about it.

First post (my version of a disclaimer!)

I must admit I am bit a loath to be doing this blog thing. It seems kind of narcisstic. I am reminded of the title of David Brinkley's autobiography, "Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion."  I have had this blog title for over a year now, and I really do hope it can create community and a place for people to share ideas and encouragement.  Please be patient as I stumble through this (as I am with Facebook now too!)  I am not sure I am the target audience for this type of technology!