Thanks for Stopping By

Welcome to my blog, Pastoral Parenting. I hope to share with you some things I have learned as a parent and from my studies in pastoral care and developmental psychology.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world for which we receive no formal training. I like to say we are all raised by unskilled labor! We are taught to attach closely to our newborns, but once we have--and have fallen deeply in love--no one ever tells us that it is just as important to learn how to detach and let them go.

I also write a weekly reflection on Scripture called "Come and See" and I often incorporate parenting topics into these reflections. They are written from my vantage point as a Christian, but I try to make my writing universally applicable, the way I believe Christ wants me to. This blog will rely on our common Spirit--no preaching, just sharing the love.

By way of disclaimer, I am not a licensed therapist. I have a Master of Arts degree in Spiritual and Pastoral Care from Loyola University in Maryland and wrote my thesis on Pastoral Parenting. In a phrase, I use my head, but speak from my heart. I also believe that a healthy sense of humor goes a long way to help keep us sane, so I hope to share some of that as well. If you or your child is really struggling, I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a family therapist.

Blessings on you and your children!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Turning Back Our Hearts


In my religious tradition, we celebrate the season of Advent prior to Christmas. It is meant to be a time of waiting and of hope. I also write daily reflections for Advent. I want to share one with you that I think has a good message for this season so fraught with commercialism that we in the US can't even take one day to be thankful for our blessings! (I am speaking of course of stores being open on Thanksgiving Day.)
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 "You are destined…to turn back the hearts of parents toward their children."
(This quote comes from the Old Testament book, the Wisdom of Ben Sira. Ben Sira was a rabbi who lived in the first century, BCE, and the quote is referring to the return of the prophet Elijah.)

There’s a Native American philosophy called seventh generation planning. When one is making decisions that affect the community, he or she must take into account the impact seven generations hence. According to the Natural Resources Conservation Service’s website, “Seventh generation (planning) requires each generation to be fair and humble. Fairness means not imposing risks on future generations that we ourselves would not accept. Humility means that we would consider the quality of life of future generations as important as our quality of life.”

The words we hear today— “you are destined to turn back the hearts of parents toward their children”— are words for the future and of hope. Seventh generation planning is a philosophy of hope. But it can seem like our immediate gratification culture belies our vision of hope. We are so focused on the short-term (granted, at times out of necessity) we fail to consider our own futures much less those of the generations to come.

Today’s Provision—The Long View: Let's take the long view for a change. Let's look beyond our own lives to see how our living impacts our children’s children's children, and our planet. It is a constant, conscious balance: living in the sacrament of the present moment and taking a view of the future through lenses of hope. Pray today for a clearer vision of how you can make tomorrow better for everyone.
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Having just come through the elections in the US, one can't help but feel jaded about the opportunistic rhetoric and impossible promises candidates offer as a means to get into office. In the US and in many other countries, it seems many adults are unwilling to make the compromises and sacrifices necessary to ensure that future generations have a reasonable standard of living and adequate natural resources. 

In this season when we (and our kids) are barraged with rampant, almost wanton materialism, think about having conversations as a family about what we mean by "need" and "want." Most little kids can't distinguish between the two and will never learn if we rely on advertisers to teach them. If your kids are a bit older, look at some ads with them and ask them to identify strategies the retailer is using to create a sense of need for their product. This is a good way to teach critical, analytical thinking.

And for those of you just starting out with babies or toddlers, take a word from the wise. If you celebrate a big holiday this season (or any season, or a birthday for that matter), you are casting the die if you think you need lots of wrapped gifts! Their attention span won't hold and you are setting quantity expectations for future holidays when their needs and wants usually cost more. (Been there, done that.)

As always, I send you and your children blessings. If this is a holiday season for you, try to relax and enjoy it a bit, okay? Remember, the gift of your time will be, in the future, the one most cherished and remembered.